The Visceral Experience

Let me explain to you something about me, that I certainly hope explains at least somewhat why I write what I write on this site. (When I write anything beyond Site Maintenance, I mean.)

Some people don’t understand this, but it holds true for me: the viscera of life is a priority to me. The feeling on your face as the weather shifts from still, muggy, saturated air, to the turbulence and refreshment of a summer storm. The excitement and childlike joy that fills me when I see lightning and a thunderclap almost simultaneously, the fascination and eagerness of feeling those large, swollen droplets of rain splash onto my face.

The feeling of the heat of hot pavement on a summer’s day, scorching your feet, making you feel like a lizard, skittering along on it so as not to be burned. The feeling of trudging around in three feet of wet snow, warm in your snowgear, watching clumps of snow fall from the trees, listening to the activity that dwells within a sense of stillness.

The crash of the waves on a beach, a thunderous subsonic crescendo of noise, felt in your bones. The soft rustle of dry autumn leaves being walked through, hands in jacket pockets, keeping warm in the brisk air. The peace of lying down in a patch of moss, in a fern surrounded glen, listening to moisture drip from the trees, listening to things grow all around you.

This is what is important to me. This is what fills me with wellbeing, and happiness. I wish I could share it. I wish more people wanted to SEE.

Brief Reprieve

I’ve been trying to post every day lately, kind of like my own version of “Morning Pages” (except not in the morning, generally). Morning Pages is a reference to a book called The Artist’s Way, which suggests writing every morning, to help clear and organize your mind.

I missed this weekend, however. Such is the way of life some days. I’ll just have to try harder.
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The Fourth Day

An interesting day that was a non-day.

Today was mostly spent lounging about, catching up on email, reading essays (Bradbury, Zen in the Art of Writing), and chatting with folks that I hadn’t heard from in a while. Around 6 Mickey and I went out to coffee in Hanover, where we caught up with Eli and Megan, with whom we hung out for most of the night.
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Heat Musings

Well, we have finally hit summer. This week, we have had a series of days ranging from 90 to 103 degrees, with signs of a break down to a measely 85 degrees this weekend.

The heat has proven to be an interesting shift in mode for me. As much as the heat can be overbearing during the day, the combination of sunlight and a climate controlled car make it reasonable to still do my normal daytime activities. However, the warmth carrying into the evening keeps me active and awake until much later at night than I had been, giving me more time for creative pursuits.
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Epiphany

I made a realization a few moments ago, and felt it merited sharing. I’d finally gotten around to watching the last two DVDs of the Escaflowne series, a boxed set I’ve had for MONTHS. After watching the credits roll and putting the set away, I was left feeling ill at ease. Pausing for introspection, it finally came to me.

I procrastinate because I don’t like finishing things. Well, really I procrastinate for lots of reasons, but that is a new one to me. Perhaps a bit more explanation is in order.

The reason I don’t start projects is because I don’t want to finish them. I don’t return to projects that I was enjoying, because I might finish them. Looking back, I’m surprised I didn’t realize it sooner. You know how people talk about how it feels so great to finish a good book, or have closure on something? I never felt that. I always felt vaguely dissatisfied, ill at ease, wishing there was more though knowing full well that it wasn’t an option, nor even desireable on a more abstract level.

I’m sure there is more to this. I’m likewise sure that I have no IDEA what to do to remedy this. Ah well, just thought I’d share.

General Update

I’m currently down in DC with Mickey, helping her pack up her apartment for the move up to Vermont for the summer. (The move to Seattle comes later.)

It has proven to be an interesting time, with lots of final(???) visits with various groups of her friends, and stressing about the packing process and getting everything done before we head north on the 17th. I really wish I could say I’ve been a big help, but I can’t do so honestly. As much as I want to, other things have unfortunately been eating my days:
1) School. Wrapping up the last vestiges of my previous semester and prepping for the upcoming months of writing (doing a pretty in depth look at the development and administration of online communities). All of which have deadlines occuring while I’m down here.
2) Illness: on the flight down I managed to pick up a nasty little cold that knocked me on my ass for a day or two… which Mickey managed to catch and is STILL not entirely over. Yeah, this is normal, and unfortunate: I catch colds relatively easily, but once caught I get over them much more quickly than most people.
3) Dentistry. A tooth started giving me trouble, so Mickey made an appointment with her dentist down here for me. I got my teeth cleaned and an appointment to get my FOUR cavities filled (it has literally been years since I had dental work done). My appointment was today, and was only half completed before I got sent across town to a DIFFERENT dentist to get a root canal (one of the cavities proved deeper than hoped). I’ve spent about $1400 so far, and expect at least another $300 before I’m done. (Yes, I WOULD appreciate donations, as I have no dental insurance… the paypal button should be on the side of the front page.)

Just overall a very frustrating period. But we’ll get through it.

The wedding is two weeks from yesterday (May 26). Nervous as hell and excited as well: so much to do! And such a big step! But still, overall I’m really looking forward to it.

My friend Eli has made a media database system and has it up on his website and is looking for feedback if anyone has some spare time.

Umm, think that’s it (for now). More later.

Back from Hawaii

I’m back from Hawaii now. Actually we got back last week, but I’ve spent the past week catching up with stuff that happened while I was gone. Sorry for the late update. Hawaii was a blast, sunny and around 80 every day, with a light sea breeze. In the beginning of the trip, Mickey and I wandered around with Eli and Megan, heading up to Hapuna Beach, and over to Green Sands Beach, both of which were a really fun time (Hapuna is this great beach, relatively popular, and remarkably pretty… Green Sands is down at south point, and requires a 2 mile hike to get to… but is well worth it if you like bodysurfing).
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Pre-Trip Ramblings

It is the week before Mickey and I fly to Hawaii. I’m really looking forward to it, both because I get to see her and because, well, it’s HAWAII! Love that place. Kicks my ass. Should be interesting to go there during the winter instead of June like I did last time (it will be Mickey’s first trip to Hawaii, I hope she digs it).
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At a One-Act Reading

Play: The Final 45 Minutes of the World at a Coffee Shop

Strange throwback at the moment. I decided to go visit Haehnel, drop off the book I picked up for him while I was in Chicago.

It’s so STRANGE being back here. I got here a few minutes before school ended, and I caught the tail end of theatre arts. In observation: actors are actors, through and through, no matter what age, or how good they actually are. Or maybe it’s just that I’m out of this circle of people (actors… high schoolers). Either way, a lot of what they say I can’t even make out. It is gibberish, spoken quickly and mumbled, slurred. And then they get up on the stage and are suddenly in “stage mode”, everything enunciated carefully.
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