I made a realization a few moments ago, and felt it merited sharing. I’d finally gotten around to watching the last two DVDs of the Escaflowne series, a boxed set I’ve had for MONTHS. After watching the credits roll and putting the set away, I was left feeling ill at ease. Pausing for introspection, it finally came to me.
I procrastinate because I don’t like finishing things. Well, really I procrastinate for lots of reasons, but that is a new one to me. Perhaps a bit more explanation is in order.
The reason I don’t start projects is because I don’t want to finish them. I don’t return to projects that I was enjoying, because I might finish them. Looking back, I’m surprised I didn’t realize it sooner. You know how people talk about how it feels so great to finish a good book, or have closure on something? I never felt that. I always felt vaguely dissatisfied, ill at ease, wishing there was more though knowing full well that it wasn’t an option, nor even desireable on a more abstract level.
I’m sure there is more to this. I’m likewise sure that I have no IDEA what to do to remedy this. Ah well, just thought I’d share.