Tag Archives: ruminations
“Like Gutting a Fish”
As some of you are aware, I am not overwhelmingly happy with my website right now. My website is, in a lot of ways, a reflection of who or what I am. It is a metaphor for my life. If I am unhappy with the content and presentation of my site, it is highly likely (and certainly has been in this case) that it is indicative of my self-image and self-worth.
This is not a complaint, however. This is, after all, a two way street: by cleaning and improving my site, I improve my personal self-worth. My previous design honestly could have lasted quite a while longer: it was not a bad design, not in the least. It felt stagnant to me, though.
I apparently gave the impression that I took the feedback on the redesign pretty hard, for which I apologize. While I was slightly frustrated that some of the feedback had not come sooner in development, I was glad to have the feedback at all. The relatively poor response I received about the new design was not devastating, merely a bit of a bummer that happened to be the straw that broke the camel’s back. I guess that’ll teach me to make major changes and call for feedback when I’m feeling fragile emotionally. ;)
Continue reading
Ebb and Flow
Forgive me if this post is a bit sporadic.
Barring the necessities of breathing, eating, drinking, et cetera, I have done five things in the past two days. I went to my chiropractor appointment this morning, which is one of those five things, and is the one I don’t plan to talk about further (not that it was bad, so much as that it was a non-event).
I have, in fact, been working on my schoolwork, at least a little bit each day. I’ve been reading through the Kitab-i-Aqdas, and feeling very sluggardly about my progress. We’ll see if I kick up the pace some more in the next few days. Something that is interesting about the Aqdas is that (after the introductory remarks), a great deal of the first part of the book is updates to the Laws of God declared by previous dispensations. I don’t know why, but I do find this somewhat humorous, looking back at some of the things that had been forbidden previously. Less humorous but interesting is the part where he addresses the leaders of various countries, and pretty much foretells World War I.
I’ve also been working on getting the site redesign ready for a smooth transition. If I stay on task, it should be ready by the end of the week, like I said before. Basically, what’s been keeping me is the minor variations that I have between the different sections. For instance, the visual gallery is currently set up to show 2, sometimes even 3 images across, assuming they were all posted on the same day. Also, the layout of the archives is slightly different, so I need to make sure I don’t break anything when I implement things there.
Continue reading
Salvete
I received an interesting email from my friend Randy today (no, not RK). He’s apparently applying to JET (Japanese Exchange and Teaching program) to teach English in rural Japan for a year, and wanted second opinions on his statement of purpose. This is a program I’ve always been intruiged by (I’d love to go to Japan for a year), so I really hope he gets the position.
Reading over his statement, it really got me thinking about what my own purpose is. It is often easy to lose track of your goals amidst the chaos and little deaths of day to day living, and sometimes you just need a swift spiritual kick to the head to get back into the swing of things.
Continue reading
Not November
There is this day-long limbo period between the residency and my flight home. November 1st, today, seems like a good limbo day. It is currently 58 degrees, with estimates taking us as high as 68 today, a temperature that really does not fit November. Novembers in New England are generally grey, bitterly cold affairs, with the ground sucking the heat from your every step, a blanket of insulating snow not yet on the ground.
It is hard to dislike this change, though. On this, my last day in the area for a full six months, it is beautiful, warm, and sunny, leaving a fond memory and an enticement to come back. Not that I really need that enticement: Vermont is like another, fond family member to me, neither sibling nor parent but at the same time both. While the Seattle area is treating me well, like a doting aunt, Vermont will always be Home to me. While I may live elsewhere (and I am not ready to return to Vermont to stay), there is more to a Home than where you live.
Continue reading
Residency
I’m currently listening to the official Cowboy Bebop Soundtrack, which is a delightful panoply of stylistic excellent music, music that evokes mood and mentality in a fashion that many other modern works simply and utterly fail to do. This is not a posting about music, mind you (though I could easily make it so), but I wanted to mention it as a segue that represents a certain mode of thought. “Mood music” if you will.
School residency started yesterday. I felt a strange mixture of dread and elation at coming back, feeling unprepared but at the same time eager to pick up a new study. I’ve been getting a lot of compliments and congratulatory comments on my recent marriage and move across the country (something that surprised a good deal of people, and has proven to be a conversation starter since). My hair still has highlights from when it was dyed this past July, which has been the source of most of the compliments (“wow, your hair looks great” and such). I dig the positive attention, but what really does it for me is the relative familiarity I’ve achieved with the other students, a familiarity that largely remains unchanged after not seeing or hearing from any of them for a full six months. At this point, I am an “old hand” at the residency, someone that new students can come to if they want to know how things work.
I’m not exactly sure what I’m doing this coming semester, which is a change: past semesters have had me coming in with a pretty firm understanding of exactly what I was going to do. This time, I come with a concept and that’s about it. I want to study mysticism, the mystical counterparts to several of the mainstream religions, with a focus on mysticism in the Baha’i Faith, since I have more of a direct interest in that one in particular (I’m a Baha’i, something that I’ve mentioned at least three times before on this site… do a search for “baha’i” to see where). Of course, there is another component to this study: I find myself feeling tapped creatively, and would like to find a way to reenergize and get motivated on really USING my creative resources again. So the other component, if it were to be summed up (and I’m going to have to for the study proposal) is studying the relation between spirtuality and creativity.
And yes, I am in fact writing this blog entry partially to help codify what I’m thinking. I went to my first exploratory meeting today, and found myself rambling a bit, so I want to cut down on that. We’ve got a large group this time (largest its been in several semesters), so the exploratory meetings are a bit more full than usual, leaving time as a bit of a precious commodity.
Continue reading
Geeking Out
Well, it only took a few days of being obtuse, but I’ve finally got a reasonably up to date mirror of my site, functioning with a MySQL backend (unlike my actual BerkeleyDB… something I plan to remedy soon), on my local machine. I just barely finished importing all the files necessary and making sure everything works, so hopefully tomorrow I’ll get an opportunity to actually start futzing with stuff a little.
I’m starting to feel drained from this trip. I haven’t been sleeping well, and have been constantly surrounded by people (even though they are my friends). This is quite the change from the hermit-like nature I’d been exhibiting in Seattle, and the change has been a bit more draining than I’d like. I also miss my wife (imagine that!), which is exacerbated because I feel like neither of us are communicating very well lately. Something to work on when I get back, I suppose — just keeping in touch when you’re 3000 miles and 3 time zones apart is tough enough, without trying to work through new stuff.
Anyway, I just wanted to make a quick post to announce that the “geek issue” that’s been absorbing my time and energy the past few days is finally done, so now I’m going to in theory try to post a bit more regularly. (No more excuse of getting absorbed into the localizing problem!)
Back in Vermont
I’m back in Vermont for the first time since the beginning of August, and likely for the last time until April. It’s interesting to be back… the elation I felt as we touched down certainly reaffirms my firm belief that regardless of where I live or for how long, Vermont will always be Home.
During the days prior to leaving, I spent time with Mickey when I could (she’s been working) and for the rest of the time, I’ve been working on getting a local mirror of this site working on my computer. This took far more effort than I’d expected (or was really necessary), as I decided that it would also be an opportune time to update my versions of Apache, MySQL, PHP, and Perl on my local machine. After all said and done, I reverted Apache to what it was, MySQL got downgraded from 4 to the latest version of 3, and PHP and Perl actually managed to be updated (though not without trials and tribulations)
I’ve almost got it working, I just need to figure out why my author database isn’t working on the local machine, and how exactly I can fix that. I’m sure given a few hours to root around in the MovableType forums, I’ll find a solution. Once that’s done, I’ll be ready to really start gutting the site and making the more significant changes that I want to do. Of course, my reference books (O’Reilly’s Definitive Guides to MySQL, XHTML, CSS, and PHP, plus the PHP Cookbook) are all at home, so it may have to wait until November. We’ll see. (Well, I’ll see, since all changes will be on localhost until I have it running smoothly, at which point they’ll all get migrated to the website.)
I digress. Mickey’s father showed up the day before I left, travelling the countryside on a photo safari that I’m quite envious of. We all did some wandering, and swung by the local camera store (where Mickey thinks I should work, since I seem to be so good at evangelizing various types of equipment), and in general had a good time. Finally, Mickey dropped me off at the airport for my redeye on JetBlue to Vermont.
Continue reading
Things I Miss
I miss my family and my friends. Words cannot begin to describe how much or in what way.
I miss New England Autumn, wandering through a forest aflame with oranges and reds and yellows, on crisp, clear days.
I miss going to Squam every Columbus Day Weekend to see my extended family; to laugh and share and talk and eat good food (and laugh some more).
I miss Wednesdays, getting together with family and friends to eat lots of good chinese food at Panda House.
I miss evenings in Hanover, drinking coffee, meeting random people, having a good time with friends, writing, putting the day in order in that form of meditation that only happens in Third Spaces.
Continue reading
Sanity, Work, and Me.
I did a lot of virtual running today. Money issues have been pressing over the past few days, really made manifest by the current frustrations in collecting the funds for the upcoming semester of school. There were several emails batted back and forth trying to confirm little details and to get the process under way, a process further delayed by the fact that tuition apparently went up this semester, a notice of which I have not yet received, due to the additional time it takes from mail forwarding.
Then came the calls, contacting the bursar, confirming that yes, the tuition DID in fact rise. Then getting back to the Bank to let them know that yes, it did in fact go up (they refused to do any of the running around on this, even after receiving an official bill from the school and then being confused by the information therein). I am not happy with the bank, and I’m less happy with my aunt, who acts as trustee to the account (if you’re reading this, sorry, but it’s the truth: this sort of bullshit pisses me off).
I’ve been contemplating graduate work after getting my Bachelors. Really, the thing that has been holding me back the most is that I’m not sure if I want to have to deal with fighting for every penny out of a fund explicitly created for my education. I do not feel that the intentions of my grandmother when she created the trust are being upheld. Unfortunately, I am unsure what, if anything, I can do to correct that.
Continue reading