Tag Archives: resolutions

Other Resolutions

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I resolve to get out of this depressive funk I’ve been stuck in for over a year. I want to feel happy and productive and creative again.

I resolve to find a job I like and that pays the bills. I’m tired of work being a stopgap. I want something that I’d be comfortable doing for a while, not where I feel like I need to start hustling for the next job right after I get it.

I resolve to get out and involved and meeting new friends. I can make excuses all I want — putting myself out there scares me. But this is how you meet new people.

I resolve to learn to be at peace with myself. Life is too short to beat myself up just because there are people who don’t want me in their life. I understand this, and yet I continue to do it. I need to know this. It’s an important distinction.

Okay, more cheerful post later, I promise.

Welcome to 2008

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It’s a new year, and with it, a new site design (let me know what you think). Still a few little tweaks that need to be handled, but it seems to load faster and cleanly across browsers (tested primarily in Safari and the Mozilla suite of browsers, your mileage may vary). In case you’re wondering, it draws UI influences from the OS X 10.5 finder window, and Adobe Lightroom, though it’s not a direct take of either.

Let’s revisit 2007’s resolutions:

  1. Fill a DVD a month with photography. This translates to roughly 4gb of photographs, every month.
  2. Write every day. Doesn’t matter what. The point is to make time for it.
  3. Finish at least one creative project by the end of 2007. Finished means done and polished and presented to the public.
  4. Take at least one class. Doesn’t matter if it’s a dance class, tai chi, or sanskrit. And I don’t mean “one session”. I mean take one class regularly.
  5. Go at least one place I’ve never been before.

Well, I sure as hell didn’t pull off number 1. In fact, it’s been a fairly slow year, photographically speaking. Number 2: failed, though I DID write more than I have in the past (note the number of entries for 2007, and that’s just on here). Number 3: failed. Number 4: partial success? I took a class on project management, but it was only a few weeks long. Number 5: partial success. It was definitely an interesting trip, and I’d never been through there before, but it’s not all THAT different. So, if I’m kind, 1 out of 5?

Still, I think they’re good goals, so I’m going to keep them as my resolutions for 2008. Happy New Year, everyone!

Thump Thump Thump

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Sorry for the radio silence for the past week. Life is, as ever, a quixotic complication of schedules, stresses, and situations, all requiring time and attention. Needless to say, while I could have found the time, I opted instead to not worry about it, and focus on other things. Will I be continuing the music posts? Yeah, probably, but I think I’m done doing them daily for now. There is no shortage of music to talk about, but when you’re coming home wiped and it’s 103 degrees in your apartment, you simply don’t want to sit at the computer and write a review. While writing every day is important, it should be because you’re passionate about it, not because you feel a sense of obligation — that’s a surefire way to douse the spark before it even has time to light. (As Heinlein said: “If you happen to be one of the fretful minority who can do creative work, never force an idea; you’ll abort it if you do. Be patient and you’ll give birth to it when the time is ripe. Learn to wait.“)

I’ve been continuing to work doing game testing, which has been good. I get along well enough with my coworkers, and while I do get up early, and have to deal with 520 traffic heading home (which often leaves me knackered by the time I get home, regardless of how I felt when I left work), it’s still an enjoyable gig, and I feel like I’m DOING something (most of the time… every once in a while we get a day where we’ve done the testing we needed to do, and are simply waiting for a newly corrected build from the developer, so we’re basically just playing through the game trying to think of a new way to break things then, and that ends up feeling like makework for this late in the cycle). I’ve been chatting with a few of my co-workers about doing a mod, as we all have different “other” abilities to bring to the table… one is a modeler and texture artist, one is a programmer, I do production/writing/design, so the idea currently is to brainstorm a project that allows us each to showcase what we excel at. I’ll definitely keep folks in the loop as things solidify with that.

Things I’d like to get back to doing:
1) Photographing regularly (daily would be ideal, but weekly would do).
2) Writing (in particular working on some fiction).
3) Programming (Objective-C)
4) 70 a character in WoW, 75 a character in FFXI
5) Studying and writing about game design.

If I Ever Leave This World Alive

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Now everything should be alright. This is take-two for a post today, as I was testing something with my father and forgot to save the post before quitting the application. Definitely a D’oh! moment. I will endeavor to to not repeat the performance (though if I do, it’s not like you’ll see this, hah).

In case you’re wondering, yes, the title is a Flogging Molly song. It was followed by Fugazi, and now it’s Decemberists, and no, I don’t actually write that slowly. I do, however, pause and reflect before continuing quite often. Or get distracted and wander off. It’s pretty rare that I just toss words on a page, generally by the time they’re written, they’ve been through at least a revision or two in my head. Happens with conversations, too, even when I’m talking a mile a minute. I think about the things I want to talk about, else why would I be talking about them?

Can it be a digression if it’s how you open your post? Would anyone know that it’s not simply a tangential lead-in unless you tell them that you were planning to talk about something else? What I was planning to talk about (and what I’d been talking about in the now eradicated previous attempt at this entry) was resolutions and goals for 2007.

I know how I like to be. I like to be self aware without being self conscious, comfortable with my role and present in the moment. I like to be creatively productive, constantly learning new things and continuing to grow. I like to feel I’m contributing something valuable to the people around me. I like to feel needed by those I care about without codependence in either direction. I like to feel that even if I’m not flush, I at least have a handle on my finances. I like to feel independent and capable.

Lately, I haven’t really felt like any of those things. That is where I want to be, however. So I’ve been thinking a lot about what I could do to work towards that. This is a living document to some extent, but here are my goals for 2007 thus far:

  1. Fill a DVD a month with photography. This translates to roughly 4gb of photographs, every month.
  2. Write every day. Doesn’t matter what. The point is to make time for it.
  3. Finish at least one creative project by the end of 2007. Finished means done and polished and presented to the public.
  4. Take at least one class. Doesn’t matter if it’s a dance class, tai chi, or sanskrit. And I don’t mean “one session”. I mean take one class regularly.
  5. Go at least one place I’ve never been before.

Those are the goals, the things I have that are concrete and definable to call goals. There are a lot of things that aren’t nearly as clear or precise, more of a destination than a resolution. I want to get a handle on my depression. I want to get a handle on my finances. I want to improve my self image and get a handle on my insecurities. I want to meet more friends and peers. I want to travel more. I want to learn another language (maybe a living one I can use to chat with other people this time). Lots of wants, lots of desires, and I sincerely hope they come true as well… but they’re simply too abstract to call a goal.  What are yours?

New Year

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The puppy is on the floor behind me, lying under the light asleep. The first day of 2005 is winding down, and I’m alright with that. I just turned on “Float On” by Modest Mouse (off “Good News for People Who Love Bad News” if you care to know). I turned it up, and I don’t really give a shit if anyone thinks it’s too loud. For some reason, this is absolutely a song that must be played loud. It must. It absolutely is a part of the song, the decibels themselves are an instrument. Another case in point would be The Who’s “Love Reign O’er Me” off Quadrophenia.

What it comes down to is this: sometimes you’ve just got to turn it up until you feel it in your spine, and sing along at the top of your lungs, who gives a fuck who is looking, and fuck you if you laugh.
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