Sitting in Hanover, at the Hop, a tradition I’ve had for going on nine years now, typing away on my laptop about nothing really of importance. I’ve got nothing really to say, but I’m writing anyway, because sometimes that’s the right answer for stress and worry and overthinking things (not because it stops any of them, but because it codifies them and thus offers the potential of getting some sort of mitigating manageable handle on them). The reasons I’m stressing are largely unimportant and unsurprising. I’m in a sort of purgatorial limbo right now in pretty much every aspect of my life, and it’s driving me up the wall, though I know I simply need to accept it and not let it get to me, especially since at least some elements are decisions I’ve made for myself. (Make your bed and lie in it and all that.) That’s not really why I’m writing though, other than to point out that those concerns and stresses and frustrations haven’t left, they are still there, still acting like monkeys on my back. Frankly, I’m sick of talking about how stressed I am. It feels redundant, it’s embarassing, and it hasn’t done a goddamn thing for advancing any of my goals, causes, or ideas. The only reason I’ve talked about it as much as I have is because it’s taking up so much of my mental energy (not because I feel it’s at all noteworthy or interesting to read).
So, let’s talk about other things, shall we? My time at Peterborough was interesting (a word that is used far too often), and it was nice seeing my cousins. I managed to even get some writing accomplished, some of which I’m feeling pretty good about. Most of it was stress/loneliness/depression induced whining, but there’s some things that I’m feeling alright about. I’m writing a comic script for a friend of mine that I think is coming out pretty well, and look forward to seeing what they do with it. I did some writing exercises talking about the ghosts in the house, and (at my father’s suggestion, per my request for such) a quickie story talking about the Thing in the woods up on the hill, and I think those at least are moderately interesting if not an acceptable quick read.
I finally went back to my parents’ house, which is my home base for the next few months. I’ve managed to successfully live on my own and outside my parents’ house for a decent number of years now, and even owned my own house for a while… so it’s a little embarassing to be suddenly back there for a while. I’m staying positive about it: I get along with my parents, which helps, and hopefully it will serve as a good motivator to do what’s necessary to improve my situation. (Job applications continue to be sent out and, after looking at my most recent list of bills, with redoubled energy.) Mostly, I’ve been working to get my room into a semi-productive configuration (things are still mostly in boxes, so finding ways to organize it functionally is a nice challenge), so that I can get at least some mental and physical clutter out of the way for NaNoWriMo in a few days. I’ve also been applying for jobs, several of which are particularly exciting prospects (notably, a few at Apple, and a few game related jobs), with any luck, I’ll hear back from at least some of them sometime soon, and in any case, it’s something vaguely productive, to get back in the habit of doing.
There’s a new television show that I found out about looking at craigslist that involves travel, where they take you wherever you want. Needless to say, I applied this evening. I don’t know if it’ll go anywhere, and frankly it doesn’t matter. It’d just be neat, is all. I sent in two different places I’d like to go, telling them to choose which they’d prefer for the show. I think they’re interesting choices, we’ll see if they think so too.
Plenty more to report, but nothing more for the evening. Now that I’m back around, I’ll aim to post a bit more frequently.