I’m in Washington, DC at the moment, hanging out with Tegan and Hannah. We’re in Rossalyn, and will be around and available all day tomorrow. Current plans involve dinner at Frankin’s at 7ish tomorrow, and then probably going dancing. Anyone who is in the area is welcome to come along, just leave me a comment and I’ll try to catch up to you.
[See, not every post is pages long.]
As I’m sure all three of my readers are aware by now, Mickey and I are getting divorced, but still care about each other and are going to do our damnedest to remain friends after all this. So without getting into the gory details (there are parents present, and such), let me explain where things are in my head, about relationships at least.
In an ideal world, I’d like to have some sort of relationship with Mickey, but what shape that relationship takes is really up in the air. We both agree that there’s still attraction and some chemistry there, and I don’t see why we can’t work with that, albeit later, once the whole mess has become slightly less painful and stressing. I’ve come to terms with the fact that we’re getting divorced (accepting doesn’t mean I like it, just that I acknowledge that it’s going to happen), but I’m not really sure I’m ready to actually move on.
Mickey HAS moved on, at least in respect to seeing other people. I’m still working on coming to terms with that, and I fluctuate between being okay (not fine, but okay) with it and getting that gut wrenching feeling in my stomach. I’m glad she’s being honest with me about it, though, as there’s been enough deceit happening and that just puts a strain on being able to remain friends. (Remember, boys and girls, lying always hurts more.)
There is, in fact, a point to me bringing this up, and it’s not just to air dirty laundry. Mickey wants me to be able to fool around as well. Since she’s not being monogamous, she doesn’t see why I should have to be. And to a certain extent, I see where she’s coming from, though there is a small voice in the back of my head whispering “You made a commitment, and it’s not officially done yet.” So instead of actually going out and getting laid, I’ve been hanging out with several attractive young ladies and flirting madly with them. It’s not a matter of “ooh, grunt grunt, wanna play,” so much as these are people I’ve been interested in for some time now, and now feel validated in pursuing. Especially since Mickey’s given explicit written permission for me to do so, and I’ve kept her in the loop as to what if anything has happened. [Aside:Which is sort of the difference between cheating on someone, and having an open relationship: awareness and communication.]
So now I’m left up in the air as to what to do, whether I should actually follow through on the desire to fool around, or stick to the [self?]righteous high road. All I know right now is that: 1) I do not want a serious commitment again any time soon, and 2) I’d like my next relationship to be flexible about polyamory. For what it’s worth, Mickey’s claiming the same about not wanting a serious commitment any time soon. She may be dating again, but she says she has NO wish to be anyone’s girlfriend right now.
This may have been too much information, I apologize if so, but I wanted to share what’s going on in my head. Oh, also worth noting: I’ll be in DC for a few days next week, and I got a new computer yesterday. That’ll be a separate post, though.
I just wanted to say really quickly, Happy Mother’s Day, Mom, and Happy Birthday, Mickey. I love ya both. Hope it’s a good day for both of you.
I’m sitting in a tea house in Burlington at the moment, a place called Dobra Tea. They brought us a book for a menu, and the overall atmosphere of the place is really mellow and relaxed. I’m barefoot, sitting on a cushion around a low table, a soft warm light providing just enough light to provide for reading or talking. The music is mellow and relaxed, a fusion of ethnic beats and ambient techno, “chill out” music to a fault.
I came up here with Eli, Pia, and Pia’s older sister, Tegan. It seemed like a good idea, and by and large I’d say it was. I enjoy their company, and the atmosphere here. I’ve known Tegan for perhaps a week, and hung out only perhaps three days total, but already I’m glad to know her. She’s an artist, and interested in doing character design work, and I’ve promised to help her refine her portfolio for submission. Uri and I both feel that she’s well suited to the field and would do quite well in that sort of position out in either Seattle or the Bay Area.
Mickey and I are progressing through our own ways of dealing with the situation. I very much want to find a way that we can continue to share each other’s company despite the divorce. Honesty and communication, I am convinced, are the key. Maybe I’m a freak, but despite everything that has happened, I still want her in my life. One way or another, life will be different. On a semi-related note, Peter has withdrawn his images from the gallery, so I hope you got a chance to see them while they were still up, as they were really quite exquisite. We’ll see whether I can convince him to bring them back (just because he’ll no longer be my father in law doesn’t mean that I can’t still provide a space for him to display his work. It’s worth showing).
After a pretty long and involved conversation last night, Mickey sent me an email this afternoon that made me feel really good. She wrote up the “Top 10 Reasons You Should Date Nabil”, and it really felt good to see what she liked about me. I don’t know, I suppose it’s an ego stroke, but sometimes (like after this), it’s really good to get the ego stroked. It says (to me) that even though she doesn’t want to be with me anymore as a spouse, I do have a lot going for me. Perhaps she’ll post it somewhere, or give the okay for me to, because it really is gratifying.
When it rains, it pours. Life is currently in a state of extreme turmoil, as I’m sure most or all of you are aware. Well, to add insult to injury, my laptop has started to make the unmistakeable warning signs of a dying hard drive (extremely slow seek and load times, and the occasional metal on metal sound if it’s a deep search). This is in addition to the broken hinge which has continued to worsen with my lack of time to send in the laptop. I was going to send it in once I got back from Vermont, and that plan has been somewhat shot to pieces.
“But didn’t you get money to buy a new computer?” Yes, yes I did, and I purchased a new computer, a desktop. Which is in Seattle. Where I am not and will not be any time soon. So, super happy fun time! Looks like my options are: pay out the nose to get it fixed (new hard drive, new hinge), or pay out the nose for a new (to me) machine, or let it die and be laptopless indefinitely. That last option is decidedly not an ideal solution, especially given my current living situation. All I have to say is, “Argh.”
In the meantime, I’ve backed my files onto a portable hard drive, and thankfully have most of that data already mirrored on the desktop in Seattle. I hate to say it, but I may just wait and let her die, try and eek her through til MacWorld in July, and see if anything new comes out that would drop the price on an equivalent machine to something more reasonable. If she dies before then, then I’ll have to reassess, but hopefully I can get to July by treating her VERY gingerly (I already have to hold the screen in certain places just to open it). In July I should be receiving an influx of money (an investment sorta paying off), which should help the situation dramatically.
“Write down ‘I am okay’ a hundred times, the doctors say. I am okay. I am okay. I’m not okay.” — Eels, Electro-Shock Blues
Life currently is a state of major shit. I don’t want to get into details until we decide what is happening, but the short of it is that Mickey and myself could really use some hugs and support. I just spent two nights in a psych ward as a precaution to make sure I didn’t go and do something stupid. I’m not going back to Seattle, at least not any time soon.
I’m abysmally bad at keeping hydrated. This has, for the umpteenth time no less, reared its head when I realized that depite the mid 50s temperature and sunny day, I just can’t handle the cold. This is generally a pretty good sign that I’m dehydrated. Headache, mild brain fog, tiredness, and suddenly I realize I doubt I’ve even had a liter of water a day out here, let alone the amount you are supposed to have.
I think I’m going to try and lay low tomorrow, do some laundry, and start hydrating like mad. I want the 65+ degree temperatures this weekend to actually feel warm to me, thanks. It’s also nice to be feeling healthy and clearheaded when going into a residency, but really it’s all about the warm for me. I’m sure at least some of you understand.
Four days and ~3300 miles later, we’re in Vermont. Check this spot later for updates (and believe me, there’s cause for some), but for now, we’re here, we want to see people, and I’m going to BED.
[UPDATE]
For those that have known me for a while, you’ll understand when I say that the drive itself was no big deal. 14 to 16 hours a day at an average of 75 miles per hour for four days, not really an issue. With that out of the way, let me explain the more notable points in the trip:
The first notable item was the weather. We left on Thursday morning, and as such ended up behind one front and ahead of another, in this large weather bubble of warm, sunny weather. The average temperature for the trip was probably around 70, and ended up as high as 86 degrees in Sturgis, South Dakota. Believe me, this is a hell of a lot nicer for driving across the country than a snowstorm or rain or cold temperatures. (Imagine that.)
Next item: I am now convinced that out of state drivers do in fact get targeted more by cops. I was pulled over just outside of Sturgis, SD for passing too close to the vehicle in front of me (which is bullshit, I was a good distance behind, and only got close because the truck in front of me slammed on his brakes… that’s the POINT of driving distances, is to give you time to react.) IN reality, he saw two scruffy looking guys driving along in an out of state vehicle, and pulled us over because he suspected we were carrying drugs. He had a drug sniffing dog with him, and did a circuit around the vehicle with it. After he didn’t find anything (again, those that know me should be saying “Well, duh“), he let us go with a “courtesy warning”. The next time we were pulled over was coming into White River Junction, literally 5, maybe 6 miles from home. Again, the officer saw two scruffy guys coming in at most a few miles over the speed limit (which suddenly drops at the exit from 65 to 55, and I simply let off the gas instead of hitting my brakes, something I’ve done on that exit literally over a thousand times), and pulls us over, and tries to give us shit, comments “You’re obviously not from around here.” To which Uri and I just laughed and explained that our parents’ house was 5 miles down the road. That sort of flustered him, and once again, we ended up with just a warning.
Flipping back to “good” things, we detoured through the Black Hills, and I’d just like to say that it really is amazing out there. We ended up following this dirt road up to the top of a hill and got some photo and video footage of the view. I haven’t uploaded it from the camera yet, though, so no pictures for now. The roads were remarkably well maintained, and I can totally see why Sturgis is such a Biker mecca.
Wrapping up with a sour note, the hotel we stayed at in Erie, PA sucked, hardcore. It was late, and the hotel was largely full, so we ended up getting a smoking room for $90. We got to the room, and Uri’s key didn’t work. Mine did, so no big deal. Get in, and it stinks of smoke, and since it was on the fourth floor, the windows were unopenable. It had a door to the adjoining room where the laminate panel had begun to peel away from the core of the door, but hey, not that big a deal, we don’t need to use it anyway. We woke up late because the alarm didn’t go off, but no big deal, it probably was our error. We get downstairs and scrape up the remnants of breakfast (full house, not enough food for the numbers), eat, and then I stand in line for half an hour to check out, because they only had one person on checkin/checkout (with a full house, half an hour before checkout deadline). It’s also worth noting that the person in front of me paid $66 for her room. The person in front of her paid $100 WITH three $19.95/per passes to the local waterpark. Needless to say, I’ll be formally complaining to the chain, because that’s some serious bullshit.
Other than that, it was a largely uneventful and pleasant trip.
Happy Birthday, Dad! Hope it’s been a good one. See you in (less than) a week! (Mickey says happy birthday, too)
I finally made it to Zoka, a much renowned coffee shop with two locations. I’m at the one in the U-District, which is next door to OmniGroup, and where Delicious Monster does 90% of their development work (or so they say). It’s crowded, there isn’t a seat with a table available, so I’m sitting with my laptop in my lap, on a throne by the entrance, and hoping a table opens up before my battery dies. It has an interesting atmosphere; I think Caffe Coccinella is a bit more welcoming, but Zoka has a much stronger feeling of industry; even the people just hanging out seem like they’re getting stuff done, and the rest of the room has their laptops out and are working or studying.
The counter is burlwood panelling, and the flooring is a dark hardwood, the color looks like cherry, but that has more to do with the stain than the wood, if the grain is any indication. All in all, it seems like it would be a nice place to hang out and meet people (several communal tables, for instance), if it wasn’t quite so crowded. There is a banner above the counter that talks up Phuong Tran, the 2005 US Barista Champion, who also serves as Zoka’s head barista trainer. Kudos to her. The Cafe Au Lait I bought is certainly tasty. If forced to choose between Zoka and Caffe Coccinella, I’d pick Caffe Coccinella, but it’s a hard call, and both are quite enjoyable.
More seating at Zoka would be nice, though.