I made a realization a few moments ago, and felt it merited sharing. I’d finally gotten around to watching the last two DVDs of the Escaflowne series, a boxed set I’ve had for MONTHS. After watching the credits roll and putting the set away, I was left feeling ill at ease. Pausing for introspection, it finally came to me.

I procrastinate because I don’t like finishing things. Well, really I procrastinate for lots of reasons, but that is a new one to me. Perhaps a bit more explanation is in order.

The reason I don’t start projects is because I don’t want to finish them. I don’t return to projects that I was enjoying, because I might finish them. Looking back, I’m surprised I didn’t realize it sooner. You know how people talk about how it feels so great to finish a good book, or have closure on something? I never felt that. I always felt vaguely dissatisfied, ill at ease, wishing there was more though knowing full well that it wasn’t an option, nor even desireable on a more abstract level.

I’m sure there is more to this. I’m likewise sure that I have no IDEA what to do to remedy this. Ah well, just thought I’d share.

One thought on “Epiphany

  1. I think that the expression, “Nothing ventured, nothing gained”, is appropriate in your situation.

    Life is full of learning experiences: they can occur from formal and informal education, work, hobbies, and casual occurences. The most valuable benefits of “finishing something” are the knowledge and skills that you acquire and can apply to future situations. Procrastinating and avoiding completion prevents you from getting the full benefit of your experiences.

    I can relate this to my work experiences during my 30+ years with IBM. I learned something — whether it was technical or people related — on almost every project I was on and I was able to apply what was learned to future projects. That’s one way that people grow and improve as they become older. One only project where I didn’t learn anything (a poorly planned and executed project that the customer controlled) simply reinforced what I had learned before: the importance of proper planning and management.

    Maybe you’re wishing that you could have learned more from your projects — that’s a question that only you can answer. The key, I think, is to approach each project (or class or experience) with the belief that “I’m going to learn something new that will make be a better, more valuable person in my personal and professional life”. Go for it!


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