Life can be frustrating at times. At the moment, I’m worn out from a long weekend and sitting in Hanover, playing with my new iSight, a largely frivolous geek toy that I purchased at the same time as my Photoshop upgrade and speakers. I don’t really have any need for it for video conferencing, other than for the “new” factor of it. I can pick up software to make it function as a DV camcorder, which I’m strongly thinking about (Boinx iVeZeen), as it would make it at least slightly less of a symbol of geek lust.
On Friday night, I ended up sitting in Hanover until 4am, then crashing at Mariah’s house. In the morning, I met up with JJ and Mike in Hanover, had lunch with Tegan, and then went south to Hampton Beach. I’d neglected to pack shorts, so I hung out on the beach and dug holes, while Mike and JJ went swimming in the surf. After that, we wandered up and down the boardwalk. This was appealing to the eyes, but not so much to the intellect… attempts to strike up conversation weren’t met with disgust, rather simply blank, non-comprehending stares. It made me actually somewhat appreciate the snobbery of Hanover, where you at least have a higher chance at a conversation (assuming you can get them to talk to you). We rolled back into town around 2am, and called it a night.
It’s currently humid as hell, and I’m desperately hoping that the storms forecast actually show up; even if the humidity doesn’t drop, the wind and rain would be great, and even better if they turn out to be truly raucous thunderstorms. I’m sitting on my own, mostly because I’ve not made any effort to contact anyone to hang out (well, not entirely true: I did email Jasmine and let her know I was at Collis, but that is entirely variable on when she’ll actually get it, let alone have the time or desire to swing by). This is fine: sometimes it’s nice to just sit back and be alone. Especially after being around people for so long.
I’ll close with this minor epiphany: it’s extremely easy to be misunderstood when you not sure yourself. Which pretty much sums up my feelings right now, about relationships and emotions and thoughts. It seems like any time I make the effort to be decisive and state what I want, it’s spun around and thrown in limbo. I suppose this is my fault, self-sabotaging myself through who I become interested in, but it does get old being double guessed on my own mental and emotional readiness. As Othello stated, “Judge me as I am, nothing extentuate”. Translation into modern parlance: Don’t assume you know what’s going on in my head. As has been obviated in the past, I’m not exactly “most people.”