If I Ever Leave This World Alive

Now everything should be alright. This is take-two for a post today, as I was testing something with my father and forgot to save the post before quitting the application. Definitely a D’oh! moment. I will endeavor to to not repeat the performance (though if I do, it’s not like you’ll see this, hah).

In case you’re wondering, yes, the title is a Flogging Molly song. It was followed by Fugazi, and now it’s Decemberists, and no, I don’t actually write that slowly. I do, however, pause and reflect before continuing quite often. Or get distracted and wander off. It’s pretty rare that I just toss words on a page, generally by the time they’re written, they’ve been through at least a revision or two in my head. Happens with conversations, too, even when I’m talking a mile a minute. I think about the things I want to talk about, else why would I be talking about them?

Can it be a digression if it’s how you open your post? Would anyone know that it’s not simply a tangential lead-in unless you tell them that you were planning to talk about something else? What I was planning to talk about (and what I’d been talking about in the now eradicated previous attempt at this entry) was resolutions and goals for 2007.

I know how I like to be. I like to be self aware without being self conscious, comfortable with my role and present in the moment. I like to be creatively productive, constantly learning new things and continuing to grow. I like to feel I’m contributing something valuable to the people around me. I like to feel needed by those I care about without codependence in either direction. I like to feel that even if I’m not flush, I at least have a handle on my finances. I like to feel independent and capable.

Lately, I haven’t really felt like any of those things. That is where I want to be, however. So I’ve been thinking a lot about what I could do to work towards that. This is a living document to some extent, but here are my goals for 2007 thus far:

  1. Fill a DVD a month with photography. This translates to roughly 4gb of photographs, every month.
  2. Write every day. Doesn’t matter what. The point is to make time for it.
  3. Finish at least one creative project by the end of 2007. Finished means done and polished and presented to the public.
  4. Take at least one class. Doesn’t matter if it’s a dance class, tai chi, or sanskrit. And I don’t mean “one session”. I mean take one class regularly.
  5. Go at least one place I’ve never been before.

Those are the goals, the things I have that are concrete and definable to call goals. There are a lot of things that aren’t nearly as clear or precise, more of a destination than a resolution. I want to get a handle on my depression. I want to get a handle on my finances. I want to improve my self image and get a handle on my insecurities. I want to meet more friends and peers. I want to travel more. I want to learn another language (maybe a living one I can use to chat with other people this time). Lots of wants, lots of desires, and I sincerely hope they come true as well… but they’re simply too abstract to call a goal.  What are yours?