I think I’m going a little stir crazy. This is being exhibited not in me running around or getting particularly irritable (at least, I don’t THINK I’ve been getting irritable), but by me zoning out for no reason whatsoever. Just staring off into space for extended periods of time, becoming more and more distant and non-communicative.
I’m not really communicating with anybody: Mickey is off at work each day, which leaves me without a car, and without anyone to talk to. I think it’s started to affect me in a way similar to a zombie. In modern mythological definitions, zombies eat brains. They NEED brains. It’s not that they’re necessarily bad creatures, so much as that they are overwhelmed with an insatiable hunger for the grey matter. I’m finding myself identifying with this hunger for brains. Each day, I feel like mine is atrophying, not for lack of study so much as the lack of interaction with other people in a third place.
I hate to say it, but it’s not even necessarily the actual desire to be around people so much as the intellectual and emotional stimulus that real world interaction brings with it.
Or, someone has drugged the water supply and I’m suffering the effects therein. Even when I am around other people, I find myself phasing out. I’ve tried exercise, I’ve tried not exercising, I’m just not in a communicative state. I feel like this is somehow related to my feelings of loss of purpose that has accompanied the past week or two of being out here. It feels like I’ve spent the past two weeks slipping further and further into a haze of apathy and lethargy. I haven’t felt any need to get up in the morning, and when I am up, I never feel like I’m constantly trying to figure out a reason to bother being awake.
Maybe that’s what zombies are: a metaphor for those that are seeking their lost purpose, they are seeking an intellectual stimulus from other people.